Monday, November 17, 2008

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

My joy - JoAnna. I'm not sure what I thought being an aunt would be like, but this is something entirely else. I would literally do anything in the world for this little, not-quite-7-pound baby. It's a good thing I'm not her mom, because I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her no.

She's a miracle.

My sorrow - my grandma doesn't remember me anymore. In September, she clearly knew who I was. This weekend - I was a nice lady whose face looks familiar, but I wasn't her Elizabeth. I knew her memories were fading, but I think I always assumed I would be the one she would remember. She was always SO vital and full of life, that it's heartbreaking to see her now. She would never have wanted this for herself. I don't want it for her.

It's the circle of life - as one fades away, another is born to take her place. I'm sorry my grandma will never know the sweet baby who shares her name.


bermudaonion said...

I'm so so sorry about your grandmother - I know it's heartbreaking. On a happy note, being an aunt is the best!

Mel said...

It's such a difficult thing, standing on the side and seeing them move further away from us....

I know it's circle of life stuff--and there's lots to celebrate.
There's also some grieving to be done.


Andi said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I went through something similar and it is so very taxing on the heart. Hang in here and focus on the joys. :)